Today I am broken. Today I am pieces like shattered glass or broken pottery. Fragments too small to piece together without losing part of me.
Today I am a vessel drifting on an river heading somewhere unknown. I am the captain of the unamed and the lost. I am the listless sails, the silence of the wind blowing through the reeds. I need something I cannot seem to find.
Today I am the notes drifting from solemn songs: I am the harmonies barely audible, the infinitesimally small reverberation in a chest that can hardly breathe. Today I dance on my grave and let it sweep me off my feet; the quiet simmering blood unaware of the loneliness, the vastness of an empty mind.
Today anxiety whispered my name and said "come with me." Today she dressed herself in
of what ifs and alluring silence-- and I, willing followed like a motherless child.
Today I lost-- my sensibility is an unstrung kite running without direction. Today I screamed but all I heard was silence in the auditorium of my chest. I prayed but forgot to whom and why and for what. Today I was an island enveloped in mist; I was sand pulled helplessly from shore. I was pencil too faded to be read, the dust of bricks falling from these broken walls. Today I lost myself somewhere. Today I forgot that these fault lines unleash chaos. I crawled because that's all I could do to keep from falling.
I've spent my whole life patching holes with words too frail to stitch together. Time binds my hands quietly until I can no longer tear myself away from its embrace. Why do the things I hate come so naturally? This constant companion that sings me to sleep.
Today I let you see me-- a broken promise, an apology overused, a breath caught in my lungs unreleased. I'm sorry. And while apologies will never suffice nor heal either heart, it's the truest word on my lips today. This feeble note, this seemingly empty phrase is my love letter to you-- reminding you that I am not alright, but I will be. Today I may have lost, but tomorrow....
Tomorrow is a new day.
And tomorrow...
Tomorrow I'll be alright.
