Let My Words Be Few

Recently life has been a whirlwind of things I had not planned for. In many of these circumstances I'd find myself asking God why things turned out the way that they did. Many of my "conversations" revolved around my questioning, my wanting to know the ins and outs, my wanting explanations, my wanting a reason for everything.

I've found myself at an awkward point in my life where I am the closest I've ever felt to God while being at my weakest physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. And all that weakness has brought me to my knees through the storms that have passed and continue to rain on. I am asking, I was asking a heck of a lot of questions.

How is it that serving you...                                          Why does it feel like I'm alone...

                       How is it that trying to honor You....                            Why do you take....

         Why are you keeping me here...                     What do you want from me...

I eagerly expected God to come with direct speech. I eagerly expected God to point out the neon signs that lead to some kind of answer. I wanted answers. I wanted reasons. I wanted an explanation.

I sounded like a whiny child.

It wasn't until yesterday that from the most unexpected place came the words that made me stop completely.

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. Ecclesiastes 5:2

To understand, the past couple of weeks (all my complaining included) I had been wrestling with two things, the first: why God called Himself "I Am" when Moses asked who he should say sent him to free the isrealites. While the Bible does not say that Moses stood agape at the response, I can just imagine his face. "I Am, that's it?" I can imagine him trying to figure out how on earth that would bring any comfort to a struggling people. How could it? The name wasn't "The God on Fire," or "Justice," or "Vengeance" or "Superman"... it was "I Am." What did that mean..?

It meant, I have been, I Am being, and I will be. It meant that he was everything in everything for everything despite everything. He was. He is. He will be. 

Secondly, how is it that one is grateful in all things. How can you be grateful for loss? How can you be grateful for pain? How could I be grateful for suffering? Isn't it funny that God never asked me to be grateful for things... but in all things? What does that mean? In the middle of loss, be grateful. In the middle of pain, be grateful. In the middle of suffering be grateful. And yes! In abundance be grateful too! IN all things, regardless of circumstance, I have to be grateful.

Why...

Because God is in heaven and I am on earth..

Wow. Have you ever lost your keys and started looking all around your house/office/room for them until you realized you had them in your hand all along? That is exactly how I felt. Dumbfounded. I had missed the obvious.

My view is limited, and I'm a short individual so I mean that with a light heart as well! But I cannot see what is to come. All I can see is the here and now. I'm like a toddler trying to see across a wall that's obviously 3 or 4 times taller than me. I simply cannot do it. But someone else can. 

God's view is eternal. He sees everything. His view is far beyond what mine could ever hope to be. 

And while I spend my time complaining that I am blind and that I want answers, God says, "I am everything, I am in control, I am God, so let me be God and let your words be few... let your words be gratitude."

In the middle of everything, isn't it awesome to know that He holds the future and He already plans for our best?
The loss that I experience reminds me He is sufficient, and in that I am grateful.

The pain that I feel, reminds me that I am alive,that it too shall pass, and in that I am grateful.

The suffering I endure reminds me what He suffered for us first...and in that especially, I am eternally grateful.

Today, I have nothing left to ask. Today I woke up giving thanks. After weeks and nights of whining and throwing words out carelessly, I've nothing left but gratitude. My words are few, but they are meaningful.

I am going through one of the hardest seasons in my life, but I am grateful. I have a God who cannot be exaggerated or diminished, and that is a comfort. 

I await the sunrise with great expectation, but while it storms and while it pours I will be grateful for the life I know it will bring.